Those Words given by My Dad Which Rescued Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a broader inability to talk between men, who continue to hold onto damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - taking a few days abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."